The following is an expansion of one of the five principles mentioned previously…
When I was 22 years old and brand new in youth ministry, parents intimidated me. These were folks that tended to either be very pleased that their son or daughter was enjoying youth group or angry that I was somehow not meeting their expectations. I learned a lot by trial and error about how to be an asset to parents and work with them for the sake of the kingdom and their kids spiritual lives.
By the time I was 30 I had three kids of my own and parents no longer intimidated me. Well… there were a few. Now my three are young adults who are making their way in careers and life. So I offer you the following thoughts as an experienced parent and one who still leads teens through youth ministry in my denomination.
1. Know that my kids are not yours. It may sound odd to say this but there is an important perspective to be gained here. Most youth ministers have a tendency to refer to the students they work with as “my students”. There is a sense in which that is true. However, it is so much less true than the fact that they are my kids. Ultimately they are God’s kids but he entrusted my wife and I to raise them. We have entrusted you to help us. Keeping that perspective should humble you and make you more prayerful.
2. Make an effort to get to know us and learn more about the context that our teens are growing up in. That can be difficult in really large churches but creatively think through a strategy to get to know parents. Don’t hesitate to call together a few parents to figure out a plan.
3. Invite us to see the youth ministry in action. An open door policy on youth group is helpful because really we’d like to witness firsthand what a typical meeting looks like. As a youth pastor I did annual parent nights at youth group where we did a normal group meeting but with parents present. They really appreciated seeing first hand the things we did, hearing my teaching, and really grasping how the students cared for one another.
4. Communicate often and repeat yourself. Our lives are full of activity and opportunities. Not all of us are super organized as parents, so we need info communicated with regular reminders of the important things coming up. Use lots of different means to communicate. Ask parents what the best methods of communication are for them.
5. Teach us about what is trending in youth culture. We need to know what is impacting the lives of our kids and their peers. In my house we are pretty open but in most families, parents are relatively clueless about trends in youth culture. There are several resources out there that you can send to parents to encourage and support them. You don’t need to invent something new.
6. Share with us what you are teaching my students. Ideally do this in a way that can encourage us as well. We want to be able to discuss with our teens what they are learning from you. This could be a handout, email, etc.
7. Encourage students to be very open with their parents. Anything you discuss privately with our kids should be followed by encouraging them to discuss it with us. The biggest blessing you can be to parents is encouraging teens to be transparent with their parents. This is especially true when discussing spiritual matters. There are circumstances that are exceptions of course.
Partnering with parents is not only an essential for healthy and biblical youth ministry, it’s a blessing to you. Parents want to support what you are doing. They need to know the what and why of your ministry. Many of them value coming alongside you. Some even make great additions to your leadership team.
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