Growing up I always thought it odd that when two dogs first encounter each other they do a sort of circle dance trying to sniff each others ends. Once accomplished, they seem fine with each other. The best I can figure out as to the meaning behind (no pun intended) such behavior is that they are seeking to figure out who is the alpha dog. When I hit Junior High I discovered the awkwardness that is the gym locker room and in those days showers were required of all students. The teachers actually stood in the locker room watching to make sure all complied with the rules. Totally not acceptable for teachers today. Yet the male pattern of behavior for some was to try to check to see how they compared to other guys. Again, an alpha male behavior pattern where it was determined who were the big dogs and who were not. I don’t recall participating in this as my performance in gym class put me in my place already. What has this to do with youth ministry?
When I was a young twenty something youth minister, at conferences and training events there were many who would meet as many people as they could and try discreetly to determine how big everyone’s youth group was. Some were bold enough to just blurt out the question because they were confident that their group was bigger. It strangely felt like the junior high locker room. Today though I see a different reality emerge. Perhaps it’s because I am not at those conferences much anymore and the few I do attend, I’m a workshop leader or something. It’s also perhaps because I don’t lead a regular youth group at the moment because I work with youth pastors, church leaders, and leadership students on a regional level. What I do notice though is the Facebook bragging that goes on amongst youth ministry professionals. Some don’t get into this at all but others do and some to a nauseating extent. The Facebook brag falls into one of two types. Others might exist that I have not noticed. One is the “my kids are so awesome” brag – which when it’s persistent and or excessive, reeks of false humility to me. The other brag is how awesome youth group (or the latest event) went this week. This one can at times also reek of false humility. I don’t notice people bragging much on numbers. Maybe that is a sign of the times or reflects the youth pastors I know around the country (and beyond).
One of the things about parents that gets rather annoying is when they brag excessively about their kids. Most of us see right thought that as a way of saying “look at me and what a great parent I am because I raised such amazing kids”. I am not suggesting that parents should never be publicly proud of their kids accomplishments. I am referring to the never ending public uplifting of kids for their accomplishments in academics, athletics, and arts. So, when I see on Facebook a youth minister who regularly comments on how awesome their students are and how Godly they are and how deeply spiritual they are, I pause. The leader wants recognition. After all, who is leading these young men and women to be such spiritual giants? How is this any different from the parent desperate for recognition for their child’s accomplishments? Of course no one dares to boast of what a great youth leader they are. So, they boast of their accomplishments through the students. It’s easy to say what a great privilege it is to work with these kids or what a blessing it is to have such an amazing youth group, etc. If we hear it all the time, is this not a kind of false humility? Perhaps it is in the persistence and frequency of such Facebook posts that makes my cynical. When I read someone post a moment of pride for their group a few times a year (like following a mission trip where they worked hard for example) it does seem genuine. I have no issue with that.
The other side of the coin
The reality though that we face is that of working in an under appreciated profession. One of the ongoing and difficult tasks we face is communicating to church leaders and parents what is going on in our ministries. In other words it is to some extent up to us to toot our own horns. Remaining silent about what God is doing in the youth group can lead to the end of our jobs if people don’t know what is going on. Facebook can be a useful place to communicate progress. Yet, if we are Facebook connected with others in our profession, we have to be careful not to come across as arrogant or boastful. That is not an easy balance to attain. Hopefully we have people in our churches and among the parents of students who will do some of the tooting for us.
Another challenge we face is properly encouraging students. Students today are growing up in a culture that showers empty praises on them and rewards them for participation (everyone gets a trophy). We are seeing a generation of young narcissists in our groups. We need to be careful about public praise while encouraging students. There is a place for public praise, but done wrongly we are just another adult bragging on our kids.
We need as youth ministry leaders to communicate in many ways what we are doing in our ministries. Facebook is a significant medium to speak to our students. It is also a dangerous one. It’s one thing to publicly announce “come to paintball for some great fun” and something entirely different to say “come to the youth event and bring all your unsaved friends”.
What now?
I’m not sure I have any helpful conclusions to draw here but hopefully some thought will go into how we do our public relations in the future so as to not alienate anyone but to make the most of opportunities. If you have thoughts on how to best use social media without alienating people or over bragging on your group, let me know and I’ll publish those thoughts here.
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