I recently attended a workshop on coaching for folks whose job or desire is to coach others to more effective ministry. The bulk of the material presented revolved around learning to use strategic questions to help others see new possibilities and endless errors. In a sense, strategic questions are like the one that Dr Phil is famous for. Not that I am a fan, but when he learns of a persons problem or predicament, he asks about their strategy or solution and then follows up with the cliché question “How is that working for you?”
Strategic questions are always open ended, meaning that the answer cannot be ‘yes’ or ‘no’. They help reveal our options or see the reasons behind the challenges we face. As I listened and learned in this workshop, a few realities struck me that I wanted to share with you.
My own frustration
At one point I was realizing that this stuff spoke to my frustration in helping some who are facing difficult circumstances. I was feeling the failure of trying to advise individuals who were not meeting the demands of church leadership or getting the support they needed to do effective ministry. Without meaning to sound arrogant, there are times when I have been able to clearly see what needs to be done to make progress. I will give advice to that end and it is either ignored or not understood (and I often don’t know which is the reality). Some good youth ministers have left or lost jobs when it could have been prevented if only they had taken the advice! Yes, I know that sounds a bit strong but you have to balance it with my conviction that God is in charge. However, here is where I realized something about myself. My default mode of operation in one on one conversation with people tends toward mentoring. In that mode, I listen to understand the situation and then offer words of wisdom (or possibly stupidity, since we are all human). In this mode, I want to offer solutions much like a consultant. For some people that works great. Yet others, while they express that it is helpful, do nothing with it. Why? Simply because they need to figure out solutions for themselves. So, my epiphany at the workshop is that I need to determine who needs consultations and who needs coaching. The latter is about asking the strategic questions so that the other figures out the needs and solutions themselves.
more to follow…
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